Everyday Creation
This show has to do with different kinds of creation: human, divine, and a third kind that connects the two. Our human creativity is easy to talk about because clearly we're prolific creators. We make music, we write, we cook; we establish businesses, we design gardens, we invent things. The list goes on and on. Another kind of creation is divine. We feel its presence when, for example, we contemplate birth, death, our life purpose, or have a quiet realization that there's something bigger than us. The third kind is perhaps a little more difficult to grasp and yet, with a little practice, it's easy to put into action. This is the personal power each of us has to direct our thoughts, words and actions every day toward what we want in our life and world, rather than what we don't want.
This sounds heavier than it is. For me, this show is an acknowledgment that while we're all here to learn and grow and do our best, there's still plenty of opportunity to relax, laugh, love, and enjoy this playground we call life. So my hope is that you'll get some enjoyment and illumination out of these episodes. Here you'll find interviews with delightfully creative individuals; short stories about some who have passed away; and essays about personal power.
I'm Kate Jones, host and creator of Everyday Creation. Thank you for following my show.
Everyday Creation
A Spiritual Way to Go on Living — and, Eventually, Loving and Laughing — After Terrible Loss
In this fourth excerpt from a longer interview with Iris November and daughters Anita Hollander and Rev. Rachel Hollander, the conversation revolves around lost loved ones and how they can be remembered in positive and joyful ways. Iris envisions her two late husbands helping her out when she needs something; Rachel performs personalized songs for those who have passed. What could have been a somber discussion instead gravitates toward joy. If you have a few minutes, please join us. And if you have more time to spare, please check out the other excerpts or the full episode (#121) itself.
This is Kate Jones. Thank you for listening to Everyday Creation, available on YouTube and in podcast directories including Apple, Audible, iHeart and Spotify.
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How does one carry on after a devastating
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loss?
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I'm Kate Jones here with three good-humored
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and joy-filled women who learned the hard
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way how to answer that question and are
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sharing with you how they've survived
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and thrived.
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This excerpt is from a full interview with
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philanthropist
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and author Iris November and two of her
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four daughters,
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actress and composer Anita Hollander and the Rev.
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Rachel Hollander, who's also a performer and an
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author.
Kate:
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All right,
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we were talking about loss. You shared some
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wisdom from your friend, Jimmy, who did pass
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on.
Rachel:
Yeah.
Kate:
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And I would like, if you want, to talk
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about
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what he said about dealing with depression,
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how it's like a house of cards,
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and that the cards get just a little
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slippery sometimes.
Rachel:
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Yeah. He said this one day to me
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that depression is like building a house of
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cards, which is a fragile
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experience. And then sometimes those cards have a
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gloss on them, and so they won't hold.
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And so it's slippery and the house falls.
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And you just have to keep building. You
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just have to keep building.
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Jimmy was amazing,
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and I miss him every day. In fact,
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it'll be 12 years that he's gone next
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week.
Kate:
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And he died pretty young.
Rachel:
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He was 48, the same age as my dad.
Kate:
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Oh, my goodness,
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such a young age to go.
Iris:
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And it'll be 50 years since Dad's been
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gone this September, and we can't believe that
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at all.
Rachel:
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Yeah.
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But Jimmy and I, we would sit and
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talk a lot about just how do we
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keep ourselves here? How do we help each
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other? How do we continue on? And
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so I hear him. There's an area in
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my living room that I call the protector
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area.
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And it's pictures and souvenirs and items from
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all the people who have gone. And of
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course, it's only growing
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because that's the nature of life.
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So I'll talk to Jimmy all the time.
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I'll be sitting at the piano, and I'll
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be singing, and I'll look over and I'll
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go, okay. This one's for you, bud. This
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one's for you.
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And they actually wrote a song.
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I was playing a song that I'd written
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for my dad.
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And okay, first of all, not psychotic,
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not psychotic.
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But I was sitting at the piano, and
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they said,
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"Where's our song?"
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And I was like, well, you know how
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songwriting works for me. I don't write the
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songs.
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I receive the songs and I write them
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down. I take dictation from whoever is writing
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the song. So I said, so if you
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want a song,
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you write it. I'll write it down. And
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they did. And so there's a song called
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"Never Alone," and they each get a moment
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in that song where I get to talk
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about all of my protectors.
Kate:
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Oh, that's marvelous.
Iris:
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Okay. Can I add to that?
Rachel:
Yes.
Iris:
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May I add to that? Okay.
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I'm not psychotic either.
Anita:
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None of us are psychotic, okay?
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None of us are psychotic.
Iris:
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Well, maybe some of us are. But
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I've lost two wonderful husbands,
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and I always said that they wouldn't have
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liked each other. They were totally different, but
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they both loved me,
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and that made them special.
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So I do something like what Rachel does
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with Jimmy.
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I imagine both of them sitting at a
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card table
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up there,
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barely talking to each other. But if I
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fall
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or if I can't find something,
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one says to the other, "Okay,
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you take this one. I'll take the next."
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And by God,
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I find what I'm looking for. In fact,
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I just found my bracelet the other day.
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I had lost it. And I said, okay,
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guys. And I opened a drawer, and there
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was my bracelet. And so I said, thank
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you, guys. Now I know
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not everybody wants to do this,
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and not everybody
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thinks it's ... I don't tell many people, but
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I'm telling, oy, how many people are listening?
Rachel:
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You're telling a lot of people.
Kate:
Who knows!
Iris:
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Okay, try to forget what I'm saying.
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But honestly,
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it is so
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comforting
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to know that I still have them in
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my life.
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It feels good.
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They protect me. They help me.
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And, you know, it's
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positive.
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So it's a way of adjusting to loss
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in a positive way instead of, you
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know, we all cry. We all weep. We
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all have our moments.
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But this is sort of a happy way
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to look at it.
Rachel:
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I wanted to share with you, Kate, that
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the joke about psychosis,
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I don't mean to belittle psychosis.
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Like, please know that I'm not making fun
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of anyone, but I've been through a lot
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of experiences with psychiatrists
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and therapists
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and the medical community. And
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the medical community has been great to me
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for some things. It has not been great
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for me regarding depression. They failed me in
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a big way, except, sorry, two therapists in
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Anchorage,
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Sarah, Tracy, love you both.
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However, one of the lessons that I learned
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was ever since I was very little, I
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have talked to God, not the big man
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in the sky with a lightning bolt, just
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the essence. And I've always had an ongoing
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conversation. And then, you know, my dad passed
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when I was 12.
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So I spent a lot of time talking
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with him, and now I talk with Jimmy
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and Carl, Amy, Michael, everybody.
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What I learned was when I would go
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for a psychiatric assessment,
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they would say, "Do you hear voices?"
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And I would just smile and say,
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nope.
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Because I learned early on to say no.
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Because when I said yes,
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at one point, I said, yes. I hear
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the voice of God.
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And I was put on an antipsychotic drug.
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And I'm like, no. You don't, you don't
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hear the voice of God? Doesn't everybody hear
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that? Like, it wasn't a thing. It wasn't
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an illness. It wasn't a defect.
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So now do you hear voices? Absolutely not.
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Because they don't get it. They don't get
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it.
Kate:
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I think in
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professional capacities,
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people kind of divorce themselves so often from
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that spiritual
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realm
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and my goodness, it's the way
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to get through
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so much. And that is what I want
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to talk about right now. The three of
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you are so
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creative
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and funny and good and kind,
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and
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you could have gone any way south
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after having that devastating loss
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when your father died so young. And you,
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Iris, I've known you the longest,
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and I just love the joy that you
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embody.
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And he died at 48,
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and you had four girls.
Iris:
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Yes. I was gonna say there's two more
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creative ones out there. My mom, whom
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I adored and who was in Vaudeville and
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was charming and fun,
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she passed away when I was 16,
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breast cancer.
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And she was only 45
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when she passed. And so I learned early
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what loss was,
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and I never got over that.
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I mean, at this moment, I could burst
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into tears. However, my mother, like my two
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husbands,
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they hang around, and I like that. And
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I will never stop. People might say, "Why
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are you doing that?"
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And I say because it's comforting,
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it's joy.
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They had wonderful lives
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for the short times both Dad and my
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mom lived.
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Their lives were beautiful.
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Thank God. I mean, literally, thank God.
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So I'm content to say they're part of
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my life now,
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And I only wish they could play with
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my great-grandchildren
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who are a hoot.
Kate:
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For more, please check out the other five
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excerpts,
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or if you have the time, the full
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episode. It's quite an extraordinary conversation.
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Thank you for listening to Everyday Creation.
